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So You Think You Have a Social Phobia?
No comments · Posted by Steve in Social Anxiety Treatment
I know what it’s like, I’ve been there. That familiar feeling in the pit of your stomach. The dread that brings you out in a cold sweat. The sleepless nights. The constant loneliness. The questions going around and around inside your mind “What is wrong with me?” “Why doesn’t anyone like me?” “What happened?”
Social anxieties and phobias are on the rise. According to the mental health field the internet with pages like facebook and myspace are starting to create a generation of socially scared people. It is quite easy to understand with these kind of websites how this could happen. In times past when people wanted to interact with others there was no other option than to go out and see them in a chosen meeting place, be it a pub, park, at work etc. This kind of behaviour kept people’s abilities to interact fresh and up to date. However now that people spend so much time on websites where the only form of interaction is hitting keys on a keyboard, this ability to keep their skills fresh is diminishing. The brain simply starts to get rid of that which it no longer uses. Want an example? Think of something you used to be able to do really well that you no longer practice e.g. math, skipping, painting, playing a musical instrument etc. Now go and try to do that thing again, I bet you can’t, I bet you don’t come close. Why? Because the brain got rid of what it no longer used, it got sharper in other areas, like hitting keys on a keyboard.
Now what about if you’re not a fan of either facebook or myspace and yet you still find that when it comes to interacting you are either incapable or simply don’t feel comfortable with it. This is where I came from in my own journey. When I was growing up I don’t know when or where it started or why it ended up in the way it did. I developed a very serious phobia of social situations and indeed people as a whole. It wasn’t that I didn’t like people it was just that I was scared of them. Scared to open my mouth and say what was on my mind. Scared that whatever I said I would be judged on. And quite frankly just plain scared!
I don’t believe the how’s or why’s are important. Many fields of self help will try to tell you they are what you are looking for, that you need to do some soul searching in the past to drag up painful events and analyse why they happened in such a fashion. Or that you need to completely regrese into being a child again and experience your parents being unkind, or your friends thowing you out of their group. Sorry folks this is just not helpful, you can use these as a crutch all you like but it will not help to get you to where you want to be.
So what am I saying here? Well what I would like to talk about is the fact that there is definitely a workable solution to getting over your phobias and insecurities. It does not involve any analysing of past events, or going into painful memories or generating “epiphanies” on why things worked out in a certain way.
The solution is a technology called the 3D Mind, developed by Tom Vizzini and Kim McFarland. The 3D Mind works based on the following presuppositions:
Problems are a symptom and not the cause.
Beliefs are constructed of a group of associated emotional states.
Balancing is more important than overpowering or removing problems.
Where you are now is much more important than how you got here.
Reality is nothing more than the filter that you look at the world through.
Change your filter and you will change your world.
So as you can see from this, the solution is in the present day, not in the past. Let me give you an example. I will use my own name in this seeing as how it’s easier but this could really apply to anyone out there with a social issue.
As Steve grows up he realises there is a problem in his life, this problem is that he cannot speak to people. Whenever he tries he gets very scared, which can be accompanied by shaking or turning red or many other things. The reason he is scared is because he believes he is a weak person. Believing he is a weak person is gnerating his whole reality so that whenever he looks at something it is through the weakness belief. Now lets say he found a way to change this, he no longer believes he’s weak, let’s say this belief got changed to I’m a learner now when he looks out at the world everything is different, he becomes curious when he’s around people, he starts paying attention to the things that make him happy. How do you suppose this will change him as a person. If someone is curious can they really be scared out of thier wits?
So there is a typical example of what can really happen. Is it that easy? Yes and no. If you want to change you have to be commited. There are no half measures with personal change. It’s a journey not a destination. There are no magical pills and any pills that there are don’t work anyway.
If you have any questions or would like to know more about the coaching I offer to help you achieve your full potential, drop me an email at steve@howtochangeyourlife.com or visit www.howtochangeyourlife.com or www.essential-skills.com and check out their amazing product called the 3D Mind. There is even a 100% customer satsfaction garauntee so what do you have to lose?
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