Why is it that people will type in anything online, they will talk about their most private ideas and post their most personal details on a medium where anyone can see it, yet when it comes to talking with people face to face they clam up and cannot connect or share.
I recently came across the following: newsblaze.com. I noticed something which used to play a huge (and very much unwanted) part in my own life. For some reason talking to people online was never a problem I had, I could talk to just about anyone about almost any topic and yet when I was in the company of others, in a place where true communication happens my mind would go blank and I would be stuck with nothing to contribute. I now realise that this did actually have a large side benefit in that I’m now an exceptional listener.
OK so what’s the problem here. In my own experience what it came down to was that I wanted to feel safe when I was speaking to others, I wanted to feel valued, and I wanted to feel belonging. But what I felt when with others was judged and scared. Of the safety, valued, and belonging, I could achieve all 3 online but I feel now that each of these feelings were false and I’ll explain why.
It’s good to have an element of safety in anything, however, we are gone from the days of living in caves with wild animals all around that are ready to attack at any moment. In trying to get a high feeling of safety in communication we are actually cutting ourselves off from other areas of the brain which produce creativity and originality, why? because there is no drive, it’s out of balance, there is no adaptability which lack of safety produces. I’m sure at one point you’ve felt how I used to feel, when you were safe you felt fine but you had no new information to provide and ended up saying the same thing over and over a truly frustrating and belittling experience I can assure you.
Value and belonging. These are 2 feelings I don’t believe truly exist on the internet. Humans are social animals, if left too long in isolation a human will start to go mad (and have many other symptoms), there have been many studies to show this. When you are sat in front of a computer you are alone, there is no one else there (except perhaps you have a friend/family member sat next to you), the people you are chatting to over the internet are just words on a screen that doesn’t count as real interaction, they will not be there for you when the shit hits the fan and you need somewhere to turn and they also miss out on all the none verbal communication which means so much in any interaction. So the feelings of value and belonging that you feel are created not by a situation where others give you them, but by your imagination, this is an out of balance situation which if left unchecked is going to start causing you problems in real life. If you don’t believe me check out the statistics for networking web site usage and then check out the rise in social anxiety disorders that is present in our current society.
When all is said and done am I trying to say that all internet communication (especially networking sites) is/are bad? No. In moderation is perfectly fine and can greatly enhance your life. However if like me you were trying to use this medium to cover up your social anxiety or communication problems this is something you definitely should want to change. It will only make you a better person.
How you achieve this is entirely up to you. The way I achieved it in my own life was through the application of the 3D Mind, where I was able to get down to the filters for my reality that my mind was using to scramble for safety and by balancing those out I had more choice in my interactions and could view each interaction for what it was really worth.
No tags
